JUST CAN'T FIND THE WORDS.

Ah. i havent blog fer awhile . Hahha lots of shits been happening ? idk . Hm . So Lets see Christmas is almost here. 2moredays. I was gon go drop off allissa present but then  got lazy.so we decided to just give it after break .Where has mazzie been? Damn she just disapeared . Hahha she went straight home afterschool on friday too, i couldnt give her ,her present . Mm oh yeah On friday i went over to Michael Otero's house to kicc back. So it was like Freakn Freeeeezing . Good thing his house was like a minute walk . so when i was putting on my boots to get ready to go, he called and said oh just walk over to my house my mom will open the door fer you. So i walk there and his mom was having trouble opening the door, LOL. took her forever. but yeah got in and i was bout to take my boots off, cas im use to the asian way,HAHA but shes all NOOO keep it on, your feets gonna get cold. HAHA so she gave me a pair of inside the house slippers to wear. haha . Then went to see Michael and he was cooking Rice. Bwhaha (; just like me. His lil brother wont even say hi to me when i said hi . Then his dog came out of nowhere  . shit scared me, LOL . but atleast it dint bark O_O it just sniffed me and licked me . which scared me enough . haha then sat and chilled w/ him in the living room. Then i wanted to go trespass his room ;D so we went in there w/ his lil bro. Then i left later on and he walked me home. Hahha .

Mm i still need to go buy tiffany and jack's present . Reminds me thati need to go to jaks house later to go pick up stuff too . Blah k . wow so like on friday i went w/ Michael Nguyen to his clss instead of going to ritchies house . & then all of a sudden when MichaelNguyen ask me why im w/ him today out of the blues and i told him why bout ritchies dad and soon later on he started getting mad? He just got up the seat and start going away frm me. ?! Started like hella yea, idk . weird . but i dint realize he was mad at me till Phu said it . i was lke Damn. So i decided to ask Michael why, and the conversation got hella deeep . I'll just show you what he said

"If I cant handle it . Then why have I been waiting soo long to get the chance to talk to you . I really want to make this happen and i never get the chance to . I know i fucked up before . I don't understand why I got with the other girls. All they did was screw me over . Everybody I know told me I made a bad move too and I try not to listen to them but it stills get stuck in my head . like ever since we stopped talking I didn't lose feelings for you . Like your feelings for you followed me when I got with her. I didn't love her as much as I loved you . I even accidently call her Michelle and like she would get hella mad at me . that's why it was really hard for me to be with her but a person like me , i'd have to stay strong for her but I guess it didn't work out like I imagined it to be . Michelle , if you dont think it'll work out its okay then . I'll understand . but I will do whatever it takes to make it work no matter what . Ritchie hurted you too many times, and I promise you this, if this all works out, you're not gunna be hurt again .."

Damn is that deep or what ? . i dont even know what to say or reply . I'm really amazed and like having a turning point after reading this . Thinkn bout how much he waited and liked me for so long, and how much he's willing to put through for all my shit that i've done and all the things i can't do, he'd still understand . Damn, i'm hella confuse .I've thought about giving him a chance. But i'm still infatuated. And you know what? I hate you ritchie -_- . !@##@1. "You can't fade me" . Grrr, it'll fade sooner or later. like Mazzie said . Lmfao its so fucccn funny how i told Mazzie how things got worst and he was all "GOOOOOOOOOD! everything wll fall into place for you then" LOL usually when we tell eachother how bad things go for us w/ our guys, we'd be like hella depress and damage over it. But this time, its all different. I guess were ready to leave? "Ready ,set, BYE" thats all i have to say. mm, yeah . like mazzie said to sonny, "i know its hard for me to get over you, but i know i'm gonna and sooner or later i will" So shit, dont doubt the grls . idk, its like the same for all the grls. you puush them to go away but they cant and their still remincsing but when you go to far, their gone for good and won't come back. Yup. Ah, yeah .k i can't wait for Newyears, not the american one, ew fuck that one. I'm talkn bout Asiaan newyears. Hellyeah(= . Moneeeeey in the air . Gambling and paries continuistly till 6am everyday. woot . Mm, yeah im ready for a fresh new start anyways. 2008 was just awhole buch of bullshit. Everything i did in 2008 backfired all bad and shit. ohwell, i'm looking into the present, forgeting the past =) .

So yeah , i sorta told Michael that i know that me on lockdown was a trouble for relationship becas it happened to me and Ritchie, so i dint want to start anything w/ him either cas i dint want it to end up like that again . But he was down to make everything work out and coool w/ me like that. I was like Damn . why couldnt the other guy be like this -_-.  LOL, jk . i dint say that. you heard nothing! but yeah, i was telling michael that, i was waiting for a guy that was down for me throu my bs , and if i couldnt find that guy then i'll just wait . But he was like all chill and cool w/ me like that. And its so deep and cute of him . but thats the problem, i'm scared. He was everything i was looking fer in a guy, the problem is, the feeling i had fer him back then went away but his stayed. Meanwhile the feeling ihad for ahem,  this other ugly jerk remained while that jerk feeling fer me went away. Ahahha! . But its okay, i'm recovering and i'm moving on . But i'm not moving on into any other guy . i'm gonna stay like this. and see how itll go . And maybe things will be good? .

LOL meanwhile, i just someone  ask me out today . HAHA but he got rejected . he's cute but then like my bestfriend likes him. And i aint shady . And i dont like him like she does. he's just like oh he's cute kinda thing.And i'm not planning to tell her what happened today . =x , and i hope and wish everything goes well for her.

Oh yeah and its hella funny, Jerwin said me and him are 'fuhreal' idk how he defines foreal. He's having hella affairs. but yeah he should know me and him are just playing around. and hope we dont take it serious.O_o .bcas i like it like this(= i dont gotta worry but sitll got someone yknow. (; haha.

Happy Holiday niggas.

Tomorrow is ThanksGiving, Friday is BlackFriday, how fun .

Today we have collaboration . just another damn day. And it was so fuccccn collllld omg. i hate wearing Vans on rainy days. i thought it wasnt gonna fuckn rain . Woke up @ 6;50am . Got dressed & did makeup Then got a calll frm Ritchie . Called him back at 7;55 . walked to his house . Got there around 8;04? He was in the shower so his brother's gf opened the door for me . Alberrrt showed me his rooom . Then aha  i use his mirror and fixed my makeup and hair while waiting fer him . Blaaaah He go out then got dressed and i chillled fer awhile then he wanted to headout . So we left at 8;30 . Walked aroundddd w/ him till it was 9. Stupid Tiffany was kidding around bout Ritchie walkin out the shower with a towel on to Jerwin. He thought it was fuhreal so he told Ritchie. i was like ohman wtf -_- . Haha like he said, "what happens in the room stays in the room" SIKEEEE! dont even trip. Mm, Michael dint come to school today. felt so weird. He's been kicking w/ me a lot ,and i wasnt use to him not being there haha so  i called and he said he dint feeel like coming so he stayed home. I think im gonna freakn get sick. its so cold. So Will came to visit today during 7th period so i chilled w/ him instead. Ahhhh dude, like we known eachother fer like 2years already and finally we met up(= HAHHA. and it was a surprise too! but when i walked to look fer him i stepped in a puddle, omg. i got hella wet.now i feel so sick and cold. Damn i feeel hella bad , i thought it wasnt gnna rain today so i told ritchie he dint need to bring a jacket. so when left the house i said it wasnt gonna rain tday so he dint bother bringing one. After 3rd period it started to hella rain. omg, hahha hella wet. I hope he wasnt that cold. Yeah oh April and Rosalie are so sweet , for their thankful speech they mentioned me bout their friends being there (= shit well ima go to the doctor and then mall. Blog again next time. ps my birthdays coming up . YAY.